im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
