My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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