How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
