Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
