This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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