Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize