Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
