dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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