By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
