I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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