Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
