On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
