My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
