Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
