don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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