Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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