Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
