3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize