i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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