How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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