he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
