It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
