Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
