My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
