he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
