Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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