I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
