sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
