Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
