Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
