she was so not down for the gang bang
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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