This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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