guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
