Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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