Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
