I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
