Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize