upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I enjoy the company of your penis
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