Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
