"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
