Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
