She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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