My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
