4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
