Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
