Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
