She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
