This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
