But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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