The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
