I smell stomach acid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize