I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
