nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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