that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my poor anus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
