I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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