He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
