i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
