She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
