I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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