it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's always time for handjobs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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