I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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