I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
handjob tips. give me some.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
