Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
